garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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