I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize