I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
