a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
