I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
