I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
