yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
