after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
