You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
