she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
