I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's like iHOP with fire
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
