I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He felt like a one man threesome
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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