i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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