i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
