Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
FUCK WHALES
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize