If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
