just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
