i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
