I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
