He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
