How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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