Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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