I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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