I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
