We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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