Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
