Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
