I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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