He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize