Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
