I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
