the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
