im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize