you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
