Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
