In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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