omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
