genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
