I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They are going to name an STD after you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
