My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
