Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
