You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
