i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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