Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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