When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
