did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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