I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
