I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
