I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
