Your face is a jimmy john
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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