so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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