70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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