My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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