You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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