I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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