youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
