I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
