Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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