So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
