either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
