Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
