To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize