I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
