This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
