It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
