don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
