My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
