so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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