i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
