is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize