I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
