If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
